Ode to anniversary


March 30, 2013

What are anniversaries for? Maybe to reflect on the past, successes and sorrows, maybe to renew, letting go of some of past hurts by giving ourselves a new chance to find joy, happiness, more success? 

So, in a way an anniversary can be celebrated on any day, the day that we decide to renew how we relate with one another...and yet, it does remain very special to celebrate an anniversary on the day that we had a special event – such as getting married and promising in public to love and hold and be there for one another, through thick and thin... .

How do we renew though, when we are aching from past hurts? And who benefits from this renewal? Renewal will only really be effective and beneficial to us if we focus on ourselves and aim to be the best we can be...and if we aim to find ourselves on the same path, the path of renewed care and loving-kindness.

Does it mean that, if we see our partner floundering, straying off this path of loving-kindness, that we can say, “Hey, you are not coming to the party! So why shall I make an effort if you are not!”

Well, no – because the real loser when we act out or do not do our best, is ourselves...ultimately the only real inner peace comes from being able to say, that in all honesty, today I did the best that is within my capability...I was extra kind, I was helpful within my ability, I walked the extra mile in some form or another...I reached out to my love even if deep inside I still felt, hey, I am still a bit upset about this or that that happened...because, soon that upset will be overshadowed by some small positive response to your own renewed loving-kind way.

To summarise – let us try from this day onward, to never name, blame, shame, shout or swear in our love relationships – let us look back to recall loving memories, special times shared, and use these memories to build on a new way forward, where we focus on love and care and kindness and support for one another.

Does this mean that we must sacrifice ourselves in the process? No - because firstly, we need to keep ourselves in a good space before we can invite our loved ones into that space.

If you are struggling too much with this, or find after a while that your relationship is too stuck to forge a new way forward, do consider finding a caring counsellor to talk this through with - good luck with your loving-kindness!